Thoughts of an Insomniac

I haven't been sleeping well the past week, and that's been giving me time for a lot of Hulu and Netflix online watching. Tonight at around 2 AM, I decided I'm going to watch Roswell. I'd always heard that it was the type of show I appreciate. I love drama and I'm a bit of a nerd. Add the two together and it makes a perfect combination. In the last minute of the fourth episode, Liz's dying grandmother makes her promise to follow her heart. Afterward Liz muses, "Sometimes when you follow your heart, it takes you places where you know there is no happy ending... You leave what is normal, go into the unknown, and once you do, you can never go back."
That's so true. I was raised with "follow your heart" being drilled into my head for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, this was usually in a fairytale where everyone except the villain had their happily ever after. But life isn't a fairytale. Not everyone has a happily ever after. That never stopped me from following my heart. It never prevented me from believing that one day, I, too, will have my happily ever after. I recently made a decision following my heart that I knew would lead me down the road of life, not the fairytale ending. And I don't do things halfway. I went into this fully knowing what my outcome was going to be, but once I started down that road, I knew there was no turning back. And just as I expected, I ended up hurt. I always do. I guess I've learned that I look for the next "happily right now," knowing that now won't be forever. I will end up crying. I will be miserable for a little bit. But then I WILL pick myself up again (after Chipotle and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cinnamon Buns ice cream). No need to cry for too long, because it's really not worth it. My next "happily right now" awaits. So there I go, on this endless cycle of joy and excitement, then disappointment and sometimes heartbreak. And that part sucks. A lot. But at least I can always say I followed my heart wherever it leads me, and I have no regrets. Now time to move on again.